wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
