Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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