Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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