What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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