Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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