She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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