my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
