Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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