If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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