Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
