So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize