I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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