you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
