Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
