I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
