and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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