No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
