I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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