dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
kristin has been a bad kristin
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
