Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
