Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize