I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he thought i was a dude.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let's get the cat blown out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
