Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
