Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
