He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
