is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
