Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
