We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
