there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
