I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
