Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
