Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
