1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The power of my boobs compel you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
