oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
