Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
