Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
