after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
