So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
