She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
