i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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