I can feel you judging me through the phone.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
