Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
