there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
