she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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