sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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