shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize