Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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