Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
