five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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