everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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