sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
