wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
