I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
