farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
