My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
