I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
