so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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