so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
