You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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