I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
