Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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