I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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