after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
