Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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