We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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