i jhust puked up my retainher.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
