sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
