i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
