I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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