What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
