we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
