It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
