I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
