I think im going to throw up on grandma
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
