before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
