My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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