My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
