Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
