I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just tell him i said nine months
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
