I will die if light touches me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
