the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
