My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
