bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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