here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
