That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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