Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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