i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
