i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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