I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
