I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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