i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize