he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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