No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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