Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
