Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My feet surprised me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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